Friday, February 07, 2014

Quirky McQuirckison


I have many quirks; I thought I should make a list for the lulz. Why? Because, yes.
  1. I hate minimizing windows.
  2. I type quickly, but hit backspace very slowly when I need to delete something I've typed. Don't question the quirks.
  3. I absolutely cannot stand having unread items in my inboxes. Any of them. This causes me to obsessively read everything I can get my eyes on.
  4. I don't do phone calls; if you want to get a hold of me, text me. I can guarantee you, I'll read it immediately.
  5. If I can use a semi-colon instead of a period, I will.
  6. Sometimes I stop talking mid-sentence while I frantically search for the word I want to use. A synonym will not do. Sometimes, it's a matter of translating a word from Spanish.
  7. When I want to know the time, I say "Que hora son, mi corazon?" When I'm around people, I just say it in my head, but rest assured, it happens!
  8. I take the same route to work everyday, and I take the same route from work everyday. However, the route to work is drastically different than the route home. If I'm walking with people, and they change either of these routes on me, I feel weird.
  9. I am more uncomfortable than I care to admit, when someone touches me, even if it is to take something I handing them. 
  10. I play Tetris everywhere. Specially when I'm packing.
  11. My desk has elevated entropy, and if you move anything on it, I will notice. I like my chaos, dammit. I know people mess with my desk at work. Let me tell you, it does not amuse me. 
  12. I dislike boring socks; my socks are always interesting
  13. Incidentally, I never wear matching socks.
  14. I basically wear the same thing every day; outfits take too much effort.
  15. People that misspell "definitely" drive me positively bonkers.
  16. I get bored of my hair quickly, so it changes often.
  17. I love saying "They don't call me little ghost for nothing" even if it's not really applicable. 
  18. I dislike ambiguity. 
  19. I take long showers; they're one of my favorite things in life.
  20. I like to dress in neutral colors with bold-colored accessories. These accessories seldom match each other.
  21. I listen to symphonic metal obsessively. 
  22. If you ask me a question, I will answer honestly, and sometimes without applying a filter. 
  23. I have an odd relationship with my electronic devices, when one of them breaks, I mourn for them.
  24. I am so much of a Harry Potter nerd, that I am often embarrassed to admit it. 
  25. I bite the tip of my left annular finger when I'm reading something interesting. I don't even know why.
  26. If I could talk in memes all the time, I would.
  27. I own 45+ hats. This includes a $150 top hat.
  28. I like to sit in odd ways. Sitting cross legged is probably my favorite way of sitting. I hate that my feet fall asleep if I sit that way for too long.
  29. I don't like natural blonde hair. 
  30. I can't feel anything on the left side of my tongue. That generally means that I bite it by accident and make myself bleed without really realizing it until I taste blood. So much fun. 
  31. I recognize people by the way they walk.
  32. I do not multitask. I concentrate on one thing at the time, and that's that.
  33. If I have a choice to pick or make something blue, I will. I like blue. I really wish I looked better in blue eye shadows. Blue mascara, is super cool. I should wear that more often.
  34. I talk to myself, all the time, by the way.
  35. Somewhere between my second and third drink I go from super tipsy to shitfaced. Don't put it to the test please.
  36. I really like Opera trained voices, more so than any other style of singing. Diana Damrau is a goddess. 
  37. I drink red wine or white russians. That's about it, though there are some exceptions. I've been enjoying sweet hard ciders lately.
  38. I eat for fun.
  39. I evaluate people's appearance by how good/bad of a ballet dancer they'd be given their physical attributes. 
  40. When my dog whines at me, I whine back in the same tone.
There's probably more... but I think that'll do for now, and with that, I go!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

On make-up

Ever since the holiday party at work was announced, I've been thinking about make-up a lot. Mostly because I couldn't even remember the last time I did my make-up properly. Over the years I've gotten lazier, and lazier, and lazier. For the party, I actually had to go to Sephora, and ended up spending close to $200. I no longer owned things like brushes, concealer, powder, foundation, etc, etc, etc. I also worried endlessly about whether or not I had somehow forgotten how to apply make-up in the 10 years I didn't keep on practicing. Luckily for me, it was more or less like riding a bike. Just soooooo time consuming, gawd.

In high-school, I used to do my make-up every. single. morning. I would rather be late to class than not put my face on (lol priorities of a 15-year-old, right there.) When I got to college, the amount of make-up I would put on depended largely on the amount of sleep I had gotten the night before, and how early my morning class was. I would be damned if I left my apartment without eye-liner and mascara though, those take less than 3 minutes to apply.

When I graduated college it got even worse; I often showed up to work without any make-up whatsoever, because I started valuing my sleep more than my ability to look pretty every day. Yep, even those 3 minutes were golden time I could be sleeping instead. That is also why I wear the same thing every day, by the by, though I've slowly been changing that a bit more. The number of coats I own make it seem like I have a bunch of different outfits, but in reality it goes like this: Skinny jeans, tank top, t-shirt, chucks, coat. Sometimes I'll wear a hat and/or a scarf, and be on my way. It generally takes me less than 10 minutes to get ready in the morning.

Now... not to be utterly narcissistic or anything, I happen to be good looking enough to be able to walk around wearing literally no make-up and not be asked questions like: "Are you sick?" and "Did you not sleep enough last night?" A bunch of my most favorite selfies have been taken without any make-up on, mostly because I forgot to put it on before I took the picture. Such as this one:


I took that picture to show off my new hair color, so I literally took it as soon as I was out of the shower and had dried my bangs... you can even tell the rest of my hair is still wet. I'm a-ok walking around like that, but that's mostly because I happened to luck out on the genes lottery if we're being honest.

Now, for the point I want to make on this entry: (talk about the longest intro ever...)

One of my biggest pet-peeves is when I hear people (mostly guys) say how girls always look better without make-up. It drives me off the freaking wall. Mostly because, generally speaking, that isn't true. People are just very oblivious. What they actually mean by "Girls look better without make-up" is: "Girls look better when they only put on skin products, fill in their eye-brows and wear mascara." Or "Girls look better when they're not wearing lots of eye-liner and eye-shadow with red lipstick." I get that those are mouthfuls, my point is... that is still a lot of make-up that gets put on, and it looks like there's no make-up to the untrained eye.

This is me wearing just that (as I'm writing this), foundation, concealer, blush, filled out eye-brows and mascara:

 

Might not be totally obvious, but that is really a lot of make-up. It took me good 20 minutes to apply and I feel like I'm all dolled-up...

Aaaaand it looks like nothing.

Now say, if my skin was REALLY bad, or I had bad dark circles under my eyes, the difference between the first picture, and these two would be like night and day. That is what is up with most girls, and why it drives me crazy when people say they look better without make up. The large majority doesn't.

What most folks actually mean is that I look better on the two pictures above than I do on this one:

 

That said, if I actually gave two shits about what people thought of my make-up, I probably would only ever wear the "no make-up" make up. And since I don't, I do what I want. I don't do my make-up for you.

I mostly wanted to rant about people making silly claims based on cluelessness. That annoys me greatly, regardless of subject matter.

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Non-scale Victories and Superficiality

So, I woke up today at 163.8 lbs. Lowest it's been in a while, last time I was ~160 was over a year and a half ago. No matter though, keto-on. I have no real intention of stopping any time soon... aside from the occasional cheat day, since you know, I want to stay sane.

I mostly want to talk about how I notice people's attitude towards me change over time as I get closer to the 160 mark. I observed this last time I dropped to 160 too, when I went to deposit my paycheck and the teller spent the entire time being extra nice, smiling and making googly eyes at me. It just drives me a little batty, like somehow I deserve better treatment from a stranger because I happen to be thin-ish. (I wouldn't say 5'4' 160 is exactly... thin, bee tee dubs.)

So I suppose I should take it as a compliment, right? That's how it's meant to come off as, and I get it. I know that it's not something people do on purpose. I just don't take it as a compliment, because I remember how that same bank teller treated me 3 months before that when I was closer to 200lbs. He only talked to me because it was literally his job. No smile, no eye contact, not so much as a "have a nice day" at the end of the transaction. He might not remember me, but I remember things, both a curse and a blessing depending on what you're remembering. Point being, you couldn't pay me enough to go out with that guy, based on that alone.

Is it really that guys just flirt as a reflex (over generalizing, I know, tsk tsk) and that if the person they're speaking to is fat, they go out of their way to not give out any hint of emotion of any kind. A poker face if I ever saw one. Are they literally afraid that being friendly is something the fat girl is gonna take as a sign to stalk them and give them their number? I honestly don't get it.

Also, why is it so polarized? They're either super in my face, or they want absolutely nothing to do with me, and this is all dependent on what size of pants I'm able to squeeze in at that point in time.

What's funny about all of this, is that I had actually forgotten that I've already done some thinking on the matter, because I happened to put weight back on. Something reminded me of it today though...

I caught a co-worker literally checking me out in the break room during lunch. Wasn't even subtle! I looked him right in the face too, almost wanted to go "What!" but that's a) overly in your face b) not appropriate to yell across the room. I'm not a subtle woman ._____.

Quiet? Yep. Introverted? Yep. Says whatever thought she's thinking? Definitely. I actually have to make a serious effort to not complain about things too much and/or not say inappropriate things in front of... people.

Luckily for me, I had never seen this guy around before, so I'm gonna go ahead and assume he works on a different floor and do my usual LALALALA in which I ignore things that are uncomfortable. I don't know his name nor want to find out.

In essence, this reminded me that I am approaching that line once again, and sent me into a conversation with myself again. All in all though, it is a victory. Whether I like said victory's implication or not. It just means it is working, and I'm a-ok with that.

To close up this entry, I want to leave you with a picture of a dress. A dress!? Val in a dress?! Why yes. It was a dress for Trevor's wedding a while ago, and I tried it on for shits and giggles a few days ago. I was expecting it to be a tad lose, but zomg. Talk about needing to go visit a tailor...



And with that, I go!



Monday, November 04, 2013

Confesiones de OtoƱo

Tengo que confesarte ahora: nunca crei en la felicidad; a veces algo se le parace, pero es pura casualidad.

That loosely translates to: "I have this to confess to you: I never believed in happiness; sometimes some thing looks like it, but it is nothing but a fluke"

I don't think I mean that necessarily; it's just a clever line from a song. At least I don't mean it when it comes to happiness. I believe in happiness. Not necessarily in that thing people want to achieve, but it is a good thing to want to be happy. Anyway, that line tends to very eloquently explain how I feel about the idea of being in love. Sometimes, some thing looks like it, but it's just a fluke.

Yeah, this Fall I feel grouchy about things. You'd think it's Christmas time. I just always forget this fundamental truth when I start dating/seeing someone or whatever. I just disregard this thing I know to be true from where I stand. It's not until months after the relationship has ended that I even remember I wasn't convinced to begin with. I just snap out of eventually, and it's very sudden. I only re-call two instances in which it was not sudden. The first time, I left the country. The second time, he dumped me. So it took a little longer to "fall out of love" with both of them. The second one was pretty damn miserable I have to admit, though. Me being someone who had never been dumped before that, was... ugh. Made that summer very pathetic. I just remember walking to Calculus class looking like a wounded sad puppy. It makes me angry to even remember just how hurt I was. The guy was an idiot, didn't even have the guts to properly break-up with me, which only added to the perpetual mopiness. I think I didn't date anyone else for almost two years after that. I made up a fictitious boyfriend who lived in Michigan so that guys would leave me alone. It worked pretty well.

The early jitters of the relationship are always fun, and very easily confused with this love thing. Usually people declare their love for each other within the first month, but really, how could you possibly know that so soon?

It is different to love someone, than to be in love with someone. The former being plausible, possible and likely even, and the latter being total fantasy.

So what brought on all of this. Shawn and I split up some time ago... and by that I mean, several months? I don't even remember. I'm not even sure we told anyone. The thing about it though, is that nothing changed, for months we talked and really treated each other like we always had. For all intents and purposes, everything was still the same. Recently, I've been trying to put some distance between us, though. I just snapped out of it the other day, and that was that. That I want more than what he has to offer, and that he needs more than what I can offer.

There's a line on a different song: "Do you feel a certain sense of synergy between yourself and me? A kind of macabre and somber wonder-twin type of harmony?" Which I always used to describe our relationship to myself. Shawn gets me, in a way I'm not sure anyone else does. He understands my quirks better than anyone. I don't need to tell him half of the stuff I'm thinking because he is already giggling at the retarded penis joke. When we were together we were disgusting; we took special joy in making people vomit. Even our last.fm music compatibility was near 100% and I'm not entirely convinced I'll ever find anyone else who is even comparable.

But in the end, why does any of this matter? When we were together, we were awesome, and when we were not together, we were still awesome. Yet I still snapped out of it when I had a cold head to think about what I want for myself and my life. Sometimes, some thing looks like it, but it's nothing but a fluke.

Thursday, October 03, 2013

And so it goes...

It always annoys me when people ask me "How is it going?" I always say "it goes" or "it's going" because I always find so awkward to answer "Good" or something similar. The grammars, they hurt us precious. What exactly is "it" and how am I supposed know how it happens to be going? Also, shouldn't a question that begins with "How" be answered with an adverb? i.e. "Well" or "Carefully" instead of "Good." Answering that question with "Good" always makes me feel like a cave-woman. I GOOD, I HUNGRY. As such, whenever someone says that to me, I have a momentary brain-fart.

So... I got a dog. She is the most adorable thing ever, and she uses her powers of cute for evil. Also known as, peeing inside my apartment. I don't even have it in me to be mad at her. I think I'm finally starting to properly potty train her, though. She pees outside now, which believe it or not, is a huge improvement. For the longest time, she'd only pee inside and when I'm not in the room. 

We also had a couple of scares, and visits to the vet as a result :( she's been having trouble adjusting, I think. Then she caught some virus, probably from the street? and was super sick for a full-day. My pocket is very sore as a result. Hopefully we won't need to visit the vet in a while. They gave us some antibiotics, so she'd feel better. She's been doing much better now. I still feel like a horrible person when I have to leave her behind whining while I go to work, but so is life. I requested to be able to work from home once a week. I think that'll work out, but we're still looking into details to make that work consistently. I mean, my numbers are good, I wouldn't expect them to get worse. 

Bragging time. My numbers at work are excellent these days. I must have crossed some imaginary threshold or something, but I've been second-highest on case taking numbers. So yay! Also my first week on-call is coming up. I'm kind of nervous about it, but hopefully it'll be manageable. I'm always terrified of the scenario in which I have no idea WTF is going on. I also seem to have inappropriate high-school-crushes on some of my co-workers. That's right, plural. .__________. Nope, that wasn't relevant to anything I was just talking about, just thought I'd yell it to the internet because otherwise I'll lose my mind.

Anyway, I just wanted to post something, since I have been away from my precious blog for so long. Zojja (the pup) has been eating a lot of time, but that's totally not a bad thing :3

And with that, I go!

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Coffee

I love coffee. It is one of those things I can't picture my morning without. I'm not even sure how I became so needy of coffee. Back in 2005 I was avid about my dislike of coffee, stating that I only ever liked how it smelled. That it smells way better than it tastes. I was also 16, so there's that...

I think Casey started me off by bringing me frappuccinos from work (she worked at Starbucks then) and naturally I liked them because those things are mostly sugar with a side of sugar, and some whipped cream and sugar. By the time I hit my freshman year of college, I would get 16oz mochas. I think it was a step-up frankly, even though mochas are still heavily sugar-filled. I find some mochas on occasion where they use actual chocolate to make the syrup as opposed to adding chocolate flavor to the sugar. Those are pretty good, nice and bitter. Most people seem to consider "bitter" as a bad flavor, but news flash, coffee is bitter and so is chocolate in its natural form. Actually, chocolate is spicy in its natural form, but that's a different thread.

When I moved to Portland, I started drinking lattes, which I still love. Milk and espresso, yum. Then I graduated to Americanos with cream, and then I started making drip coffee at home. I still like to put some form of milk/cream into it, but no sugar or additional flavors unless I'm feeling particularly adventurous. Other flavors mask the flavor of coffee, which I've developed some strong taste for. That hit me hard one day when I tried to drink instant coffee and could not even swallow it; I had to spit it out. (That's what she said (Hi, I'm 12.)) When I started keto, all of that went out the window anyway, straight black coffee and heavy cream were about the only things I could actually drink on the diet. That's fine though! No problem, that shit is delicious. In fact, even if I wasn't in keto, that's probably how I'd continue to take my coffee. It's just how I prefer it these days. It kind of sucks that most coffee shops around have half-and-half and not heavy cream.

I recently graduated to using a French Press instead of a coffee-maker at home. Yum. Coffee does taste much better from there. Hard to explain how, I think it is mostly the brewing time. The coffee from a french press pot seems to have more body than traditional drip coffee. I also have started buying beans from Stumptown, the Holler Mountain blend, since the store is literally across the street from Jive, and I have a nice grinder at home to freshly ground  the beans when I'm about to make coffee. The only thing I can't quite taste yet, is the taste of "old" coffee. If beans have been in my apartment for a month, I can't quite taste the difference from like... the same beans 2 weeks before. They taste really nice and fresh the first couple of days after I get them of course, but I'm not going to be buying beans every few days. That would be silly. I don't think they're quite stale after a month; I'm sure some other coffee connoisseur will adamantly disagree with me about that. At work we have pre-ground coffee in bulk, and I has sads. That I can taste the staleness from. What's worse is that we have good coffee, nice blends, very different flavors... and they're all stale. ;_____;

The other day at work we were talking about coffee, and I loudly said that I look down on people who put sugar on their coffee. Hi, I'm a jerk. Not only because sugar is the root of all evil, but because why would you put sugar in coffee?! Other people at work will put vanilla creamers or nutmeg creamers or other junk, and I just silently judge them.

The other day, my brother and I went to Jake's to eat some nice steaks. Yum, steak. We were speaking about how some people like to eat their steak over-cooked vs. not-cooked at all, and everything in between. He mentioned seeing somewhere (I know very precise) a chart that would "help" people getting to the point where they actually know how they'd like their steak cooked. It went something like this:
If you like it crunchy on the outside and nearly uncooked in the inside, order rare
If you like it this way, order it that way
If you like it this other way, order this
If you like it fully cooked, order chicken.
I found that absolutely hilarious, and it is very possible it was because I had downed some 2 cups of red wine already. At any rate, some people probably know what I'm getting at with this little side-tale about Steak. Shawn is always saying how his coffee is delicious, when it is one of these thingies. I would not call that coffee to begin with, but more to the point, they always have some flavor. French Vanilla, Mocha, Caramel, Nutmeg. Where's the "plain black coffee" disc? I'll tell you what, it doesn't exist and if it does, it probably tastes absolutely horrendous. The thing is, if you only like "french vanilla" coffee or "caramel frappuccinos", you don't like coffee. Do yourself a favor and order a milkshake instead. The caffeine content of the "coffee" you're drinking is nearly non-existent. You're literally better off chugging a Red Bull if you're wanting to be awake.

If you can enjoy cheap coffee, or even instant coffee, power to you! You do your own thing, man. But if you spend time and energy trying to figure out how to get the coffee-taste out of your coffee, I'd say you need to try drinking tea or something else instead. That is all.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A Series of Epiphanies about My Reality and My Perception of My Reality

Today I had an interesting experience. Not the last one of these sorts, I'm sure. A little unsettling to say the least. Jive, the company I work for and love, was hosting a meet-up happy hour. This is all well and dandy, but here's one of the relevant details: it was a meet-up specifically for Women in IT.

I felt it was my duty (?) as a Jiver of the female variety, to show my face at the event. I must have stayed about 30 minutes, and darted-off first chance I got. My social anxiety kicked in about 10 minutes before the meet-up even started, and I actually did not manage to get out of my chair for another 10 after it had started. I kept on procrastinating with work. Seriously, "Oh I'll just put a reply for this customer really quick."; "Oh this test will take less than 3 minutes, better do that before I go."

I did not want to go. I blogged about that feeling before, on the topic of introversion. However, that wasn't what was interesting about this, I can normally find some reasonable excuse for my own behavior. What was interesting were all the things that followed...

One of my fellow supporteans was also feeling anxious. She messaged me at 5 o'clock on the dot.

"Why does work feel more appealing than socializing?"

I made a self-deprecating joke about how I'm an introverted buffoon, and so I felt the same way. Thing is, I don't put her in that category at all. She is usually out there throwing darts at the guys and drinking beer and chatting with people during the happy hour gatherings we have at Jive every once in a while. She's pretty quiet, but I wouldn't call her introverted. So there was something else at play here.

I paused for a minute to figure out why we were feeling so anxious. As I was pondering that inside my own head, one of the supportean dudes came back from the kitchen with a drink and a shocked face.

"Why are there so many women over there? o_____o"

We explained to him that Jive was hosting an event and this and that. What was interesting about that, was his reaction... he felt like he was not welcome there for one thing. He then mentioned something about feeling very awkward and stared at while he went to grab a drink, and GTFO. He had been so uncomfortable in the 5 seconds it took him to grab his drink and walk out that he was still doing that shiver-shake-off thing. So I asked him what made him so uncomfortable. He didn't really answer, but my guess is probably "They were all women!" which is what I like to call involuntary sexism, but that's a different thread, and mostly an assumption on my part. I turned to him and asked him:

"How would you feel, if everyday, you had to deal with that at work?"

The confused look on his face was answer enough, in my humble opinion. As far as I could tell, he was probably thinking "Why would I ever be in that situation?" but again, that's me assuming. He didn't seem to even comprehend the question, so I clarified:

"You know, with that sort of ratio"

He went on to say something like "That would be weeeeird. I'm not sure I could handle that." or something to that effect. So I simply replied:

"Well, now you know what we have to deal with."

I saw the change on his face; I pretty much saw the gears click. He hadn't even realized that the ratio was so skewed, mostly because he then said "But that's different..." and then backed away from that really quickly going: "Oh I guess the ratio is about the same, wow"

So if there was anything positive from this whole 45-minute lapse of time, I would say that it is that I made at least one dude understand how it feels, and that most women in the industry simply adapt and grow a tolerance for the situation, to the point of preferring it (what happened to me.)

Now, I can only speak for myself, but it wasn't just social anxiety at this point. It took for someone else to tell me they felt it too for me to even consider it as a separate phenomenon. It was the fact that it was a meet-up for women in IT. I always think of women in their generalized form, as part of a different breed (A sad commentary all on its own.) When I see gaggles of girls, I immediately think they're talking about make-up and shoes, and I dismiss them as such. I have no interest in those topics. But these women were of my own breed. The kind that knows how to talk nerdy, and is likely very empathetic to the fact that there simply isn't enough of us out there. The result: anxiety. I was surprised at that realization, and frankly a little disappointed with myself.

I had never acknowledged the fact that I felt superior to women that do not pursue this sort of career, but I guess I do. As much of an unpopular opinion as that it might be. The women in the event were not beneath me, if anything, a good chunk of them were probably superior to me in more than one way. But instead of feeling empowered by that notion, or even inspired, I felt challenged. Like they were in direct competition with me, or something. I recall a similar feeling upon meeting my supportean co-worker for the first time. A nagging feeling in the back of my head, like a 5-year-old's tantrum: "But I'm supposed to be the only smart girl around!" it went away, obviously, and so I forgot all about it. This meet-up basically brought it back up, and amplified it.

It very quickly became obvious, as I talked with a few of these women, that I am just not around women often. I found myself losing interest in their conversation, even though it wasn't about shoes. My brain tuned it out in the same way. That doesn't happen when I talk to guys about Gaming or Game of Thrones, for instance. It does however happen, when people are talking about sports, regardless of gender.

The women I spoke with were, as I said earlier, of my own breed. Yet I could still not talk to them. They were talking about how speaking with someone who is a lawyer or a therapist is difficult and this and that, and how that's interesting. I found myself thinking "but that's not interesting at all." and it's true for me. I don't find that interesting. When they tried to talk to me about Jive or what I do at work and so on, it felt like they were asking superficial questions. I literally just had that conversation with my brother a few days before, and that didn't feel superficial. "So how do customers feel about Jive?" was one of the questions they asked me. My gut reaction was "how would I know? I'm support, I get anger and complaints from them all day long." When I asked one of them "So what kind of developer are you?" she replied with "Oh a little of everything... front-end, back-end..." I was mostly looking to strike up a conversation about some particular language. Something like: "Oh, I've heard python sucks. It doesn't use semi-colons to end statements!" (lol, please note the sarcasm) I love to argue about php and how it is a wonderful and godawful language at the same time. But alas, what can you do?

I feel bad about all of this; it troubles me. I definitely don't know how to fix it, but I'm not sure I want to? The first chance I got, I took out my phone, and slowly made my way towards the exit, hoping no one would notice my sweet ninja moves. I headed straight back to my desk, where I saw the guys just talking about nonsense, and I felt an immediate wave of relief. It was like "Oh, thank goodness! People who understand me, yay!"

I wanted to hug them all.